Life without the Scarf

On April 17, 2008, my life changed drastically. I went from being a healthy happy 29 year old to a 29 year old with Stage 4 Lymphoma. When my "lymphoma life" started, it was very different. Over 9 months time, I spent more time in the hospital than I did at my own home. I took more medication in one day than I had probably the year before. From spending hours washing, drying and straightening my massive amounts of hair to lotioning my bald head. These things soon became not my "lymphoma life", but my life. My life was being in the hospital, taking medication, being weak, having my mom and mother-in-law cooking, cleaning and taking care of my children (which I appreciate so much!), and wearing a scarf when I went out in public. I never really cared that I was bald, but I could tell that other people were uncomfortable in public when I didn't have my scarf on. Well, my hair is now growing back and as of last week, I started going without a scarf. When I was first diagnosed, I knew my life was going to change drastically, but it never occurred to me that when I was done with treatment, it would change drastically again. Yesterday, in my process to clean (which I'm having to learn how to do again), I started putting all of my bandanas and scarves in a plastic box to put away. For those of you who saw me out know that I have a ton of bandanas. I have one in every color. They were my accessory. Anyway, it was very emotional. I realized that my life was changing...AGAIN. I was packing up that part of me. I don't miss being at the hospital...but I do miss my nurses. They became my friends. I saw them more than I saw my family and friends. I was forced into this life and then after 9 months, it was gone. As I thought about this concept, I thought back to when my nephew Walker was born. After sitting in the waiting room all day with my family and my sister-in-law's family, working on a crossword puzzle (it was a group effort), he was finally here. We were all very excited. He was precious and we were so glad that he had come to join our family and brighten our lives. When talking to Kay (my sister-in-law) after he was born, she told me that it was so weird because she couldn't feel him moving inside her anymore. Of course she didn't, he was there in my arms, not her belly anymore. But, for 9 months, he was growing inside of her. He moved, he kicked, and she felt it. Then he was born, and she no longer felt it. Her life was different. The same was for me. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to compare child birth with cancer, but for 9 months, my life was one way, and then all of a sudden, it's different...I no longer felt it (in a manner of speaking). As I continued to pack away the scarves, and contemplate this revelation of life changes, I thanked God that He healed me and allowed me to have this change.

Here are a few pics of me with hair from last weekend's Mardi Gras parade in Shreveport...

Me & my friend Tracy. Yes, my hair is purplish-red. They spray painted it while waiting for the parade!

Me and Rob- he's wearing my silly hat so I could show off my hair!