On Saturday, April 17th, I took a moment to think back to two years ago. That was the day I was told I had cancer. A day that changed mine and my family's life forever. As I reflected on it, I remember thinking that the "thing" that would not and could not happen to me, had just happened! I remember wondering why God would allow me to go through such an experience. There are days that I still wonder this. There are days that I know the answer to this. Anytime I come in contact with someone with the same battle and I can empathize with them, or talk to them and their families, I understand. Days when people tell me my testimony through the process and how I continued to praise God, even through the tough times, I understand. And, the days someone tells me, that I inspired them to go back to church or to start reading their Bible again, I understand. But, on most days, it's still a mystery.
Would I change it if I could? Well, if you're wondering if I want the side effects, the sickness, and everything else that went with it, then NO...I don't wish that upon ANYONE! But, do I wish it all away? Absolutely not! I am not the same person I was two years ago. God has shaped me and molded me to the woman I am today, and for some reason, cancer and chemo were part of that process for me. Do I want to go through it all over again? NO!!! That was a stupid question, but if God chooses, He knows why and I will trust Him all over again!
The more I pondered the same day two years ago, it made me realize just how short two years can be, but just how much can change in that short amount of time. In two years, I went from beginning a fight for my life to growing a precious life inside me. WOW!!! That is ALL God!
I am so truly blessed!
4 comments:
Precious! You ARE blessed! Your thoughts reminded me of something I worte about my life that is very similar...though not at all the cancer part. Check it out...
http://tonotdecideistodecide.blogspot.com/2009/12/what-was-i-thinking.html
It's very interesting and confirming to hear someone who has gone through something as difficult as you have has basically come to the same conclusion as I have. You'll see what I mean.
Thanks, Vanessa, for sharing your deep and difficult and precious thoughts and moments! You are a treasure!
You are blessed and I am blessed to have you as my wife. Those moments 2 years ago were scarey. I doubted and questioned God and through it all my faith in the Lord has gotten to strong and my relationship with him has strengthened. We have growm closer together through your battle and now we are introducing a new life thanks to your determination to beat cancer as well as the many prayer warriors we had praying for you and the Lord answering all of our prayers. I love you!
Van, you are such an amazing person. I was driving yesterday and thinking of your miracle baby and I just started crying tears of joy for you! God is so big, but He IS in the details of our little lives and you are a living testimony of that. He is using you in a great and mighty way and that is just so awesome to see.
I am blessed to know you.
I too think of all you have been through, your family and now look at the miracles that your faith have brought into your life. What I learned is that while the fight might not always seem fair or we might not always have an understanding, God never gives us more than we can handle. Even when we think we can't handle it......he gives us the strength.
I am SO happy for you Vanessa.
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