Stop the Roller Coaster, I want OFF!

Have you ever been on a roller coaster and half way through you wanted to get off? Well, I never have on a REAL roller coaster. I love them! BUT, my life roller coaster? Yes please, I want off!

For those of you who aren't on our e-mail list or on facebook, you are thinking WHAT?!?! You are having a baby, you should be thrilled! Well, on that aspect, I am thrilled. Happier than I have ever been! I can't wait to meet my little man...any day now! BUT, what I haven't told you is that my lymphoma is back! UGH! I know...really? I mean, SERIOUSLY?!?!

So, here's the deal. Back in December when I found out I was pregnant, soon after, I found these red spots on my skin. Nothing big, just looked kind of like the beginning of a bruise. For me, it was no big deal to not know how I got a bruise. I bruise so easily! We didn't think anything of it. Then in January or February, I found what I thought was a spider bite on my back. Again, didn't think anything about it. It didn't go away, so I showed my oncologist at my next visit. Her response was that it was probably pregnancy cysts and if it didn't go away soon, then they would treat it with antibiotics. Again, no biggie. Well, I only go to the oncologist once every three months, so the next month at the OB, I showed it to her and she prescribed some antibiotics for me. Well, they didn't do anything! So, the next month she decided to biopsy the one on my back just for fun. It came back inconclusive, but the pathologist was concerned because of my history. So, my oncologist sent me to a specialty dermatologist...ugh the doctor musical chairs! She did a bigger biopsy...I even had three stitches! Well, wouldn't you know it, it came back as lymphoma!

Basically, it is T-cell lymphoma, but in my skin not my lymphnodes. We were confused at the beginning, but it is CTCL. This is Cutaneous T-Cell Lymphoma. From everything we have read, it can be treated with topical creams, prescription drugs, and different types of radiation. Okay, we can handle that! Well, then my oncologist started pushing to induce me to start treatment. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!??! She obviously had lost her mind. I don't believe in induction. Nothing against you if you do, that's your belief, but for me, I don't believe in it. I know a lot of people don't get it because induction is basically just a part of pregnancy now, but here's my reason. If I can trust God to bring me a miracle baby, trust Him through my entire pregnancy to keep me and my baby healthy, trust Him that everything is going by His will, then HOW can I not trust that HE knows the exact moment when my baby and I will both be ready? Again, this is just my belief, but it is one I am very set in. My OB actually is not a fan of induction either, so this was reassuring. She said if I go over 40 weeks, she will put her foot down, but she will let me go my full term before.

Okay, besides that making my oncologist mad, I really didn't care! So, we went to the oncologist this week and she started talking about me starting chemo- not just any chemo, but a harder chemo than the Hyper CVAD, 6 weeks post-partum to be immediately followed by a bone marrow transplant. WHAT????? We were so confused. She did back off the induction issue when she realized that my immune system (umm...GOD) is controlling the lymphoma right now. But, what in the world was she talking about? Here's her thing...she feels that about 6 weeks post-partum my immune system will give up and the lymphoma will spread to my lymphnodes and blood system. If that is the case, then yes, we will have to do the chemo and transplant. Obviously, that isn't our first choice. We want to try and "treat" the cutaneous lymphoma first and try to keep it stable for several more years so we can have another baby. If I go through transplant, we will not be able to. So, needless to say, we didn't agree with everything she had to say. So, after screaming, yelling, crying (on ours and her part!), we agreed to get a second opinion on treatment. So, I go this Thursday (hopefully) to the other cancer center here in town for a second opinion.

So, now you understand why I want off the roller coaster. On the plus side, Cameron is doing great. I will be 38 weeks tomorrow and considered full term. We were able to get an ultrasound last week. He is measuring about a week ahead of schedule, so the guestimated delivery date is August 13th instead of the 18th. Anytime after tomorrow, I am ready. Natalie wants the 9th because his birthday would be 8/9/10. HAHA! My sister-in-law wants the 15th (her birthday). So, whenever God chooses, he will come! We are so ready to meet our little man! We worked this weekend getting all of his stuff together...the stroller, car seat, swing, bouncer, and play pen put together. All the baby stuff has taken over our house...haha!

So, what do you pray for? Well, for a safe delivery for Cameron of course, but this go round, we aren't praying for healing, we are praying for a miracle. So, if you would, please join us in this prayer. I need ALL of you! Thank you for being there through the years! You each mean so much to us!

With God, WE WILL BEAT THIS AGAIN!!!