Facing the Unknown

I've been staring at the screen for two days now trying to put into words what I feel with the news that was given to me this week. So many questions answered and so many still hanging. I didn't have a PET scan thanks to our insurance company, so we had to settle for a CT scan instead. The CT scan showed the mass has grown 1/2 cm since the end of July, which isn't great, but the good news is there are no other lymphnodes or masses that are suspicious. My blood work also continues to be in "normal" range. My doctor here in Tyler and my doctor at Baylor have discussed my scans and have consulted with radiologist and surgeons. They feel the only way to biopsy it will be to break through my sternum after all. With this news, they also feel that the mass is NOT a recurrence of my lypmhoma. They think it is just my thymus gland growing abnormally. It is fairly common in children and adults who have undergone a large amount of chemo. They gave me two choices: A) Do nothing and watch it for awhile doing CT scans about once a month and then PET scans every 3 months. OR B) Go ahead with the biopsy and find out for sure. We have gone with option A. BUT, we are not sitting around doing NOTHING. We are still praying. Praying that the mass will go away. They are continuing the search for a bone marrow match for me so they can have one ready to go if the need arises. If the mass starts growing rapidly, then we will have to do the biopsy.

This may sound crazy to some, the whole "not knowing" thing. But, I really do have a peace about it and my doctor did as well. The first time I was diagnosed, I had a "gut" feeling that I had cancer. When she told me about this mass, I had a "gut" feeling that it wasn't cancer, but another type of mass. I'm trusting my gut, my doctor, and most of all, God. In the mean time, I am continuing to LIVE! I am actually making plans and it feels great! We have been so careful this year to only plan what we had to and then the rest at the last minute. I never thought making plans would make me nearly as happy as it does!

Please keep my mass in your prayers. Also, if you could remember my friend Stuart. I have mentioned him in prior blogs. He has finished his treatment and is in full remission, but his white counts have gone down again. Please pray that they come back up and his body can fight off whatever it is that is causing this.

Thank you all again for your prayers, friendship, support, meals, gifts, and everything else you have blessed me and my family with in the past year and a half. You have all touched my heart and are very special to me!

With God, WE WILL BEAT THIS!!!